Accident for the Better

It was early in my last semester when I met my wife at college. How, where, and why are an entertaining story on it's own, but I'll save the details for another day (and so those that don't know get too much information.) That morning, Chris H. and I were late getting to the lounge on campus to watch the Formula One race. I popped a tire on the way and ran there with the bike on my back (I guess I was in decent shape now that I think about it.)

After walking back to the house after the race, my wife (only an acquaintance at the time) was there and we ended catching lunch. That was the first day in years that I hadn't had urgency and actually had normal bowel movements. After applying the scientific method the next day, I realized it was milk that was killing me all along: I always ate two bowls of cereal every day for breakfast and ALWAYS had whole milk. That day I never had breakfast. [I once told my grandmother that whole milk was better than sex. Looking back, I was only getting milk in my diet, so that statement held true then. She still reminds me to this day, but I can't say the comparison still holds true.]

I immediately cut out a large part of dairy from my diet and immediately saw an improvement. I still had minor flare-ups from time to time, but was down to maybe two times per day, rather than the six I was having before. My old roommate still gives me shit when I see him, as he used to drink my milk (whole) and I would tell him it was the only thing that made my stomach feel better. [Especially when adding Khalua.] Who knew it made my stomach feel better but destroyed my intestines.

My wife still thinks it was her presence in my life that 'cured' me, and not the milk. Although, she hasn't taken responsibility for the issues I'd have later in life, so I don't let her get away with a partial cure. For the next four years, I saw remarkable improvement by simply cutting back on my dairy. On the days I would have it, I'd know it and typically get punished for it. I slowly started to get 'normal', which for me, was about 2-3 movements a day. The unfortunate part was I would still have accidents, as control was still an issue from time to time. Thankfully, this would be rare but typically nowhere near home.

We entered the maintenance phase, as my next colonoscopy wasn't for another 3 years. The flareups were few and far between but having my wife's cooking definitely helped I didn't really eat well when she wasn't there and typically drank too much as well. Actually, that statement is true for the length of our entire relationship. I finally started to put on weight, even without exercising, and I wasn't so Skeletor looking as when I first graduated.