Prepping for Surgery

Last evening was very difficult again with pain as they had to increase my morphine and decrease the time in between injections.  Taking four mg every two hours seems to control the pain better.  I am not sure why they are not going with other pain medications, but I'm not an expert and I will take what I can get at this point.  My fever is still increasing and does not look like the IV is going to control it.

I decided to completely forego having the jpouch at this point and instead have a permanent ileostomy.  I will not say the decision was easy, but after years of contemplation and now a year of being unhealthy, this is the path I prefer.  When I had my temporary ileostomy, I was doing quite well: Well enough that I pushed back my takedown surgery.  I could not convince myself that it was worth risking having a partially healthy jpouch and the possibility of a lifetime of medications was worth it.  I have no problems having an ileostomy:  To be honest, it's actually quite nice not having to worry about when I need to go to the bathroom, or when I eat so I can manage when I sleep at night.  No more sore butt... that just makes me feel good.  Also, I don't have to worry about what I eat either:  I can do the one thing that definitely makes me smile, and that's eat.  I love eating!  All types of food as well and that's not something that I wanted to risk sacrificing.

I also have the ability to save some of the rectum, just in case I want to try and go back in the future and maybe try to make the jpouch work.  I decided to forego that as well.  I am not interested in trying to make it work - I am interested in being healthy and living life.  As a result, the surgeons will also pull out anything that is left of my rectum (large intestine) and stitch up my backside.  (Many of you hear me refer to this as "Ken Butt".)  This also removes any possibility of me getting colon cancer, as I will no longer have any colon left, which is another plus to having this surgery.  By removing the jpouch, they will also be able to remove the abscess (thankfully) and clean that mess out so it should not cause any problems from here.  The sinus that you hear me speak of is part of the jpouch, so when that comes out, so does that little problem child.  Ahhh.. the thought of resolution.

My ostomy nurse was in yesterday and marked where we think the ostomy should be.  Considering this one is going to be permanent, I might as well pick where we want it.  It should be below my belt line, giving me the ability to wear jeans and such.  It doesn't mean I won't wear suspenders (maybe) considering I looked so dashing in those last year!

They also have to go in and clean out the infected mass that has built up in the buttock area.  Not sure how they are going to go about this, but as long as they clean it, I'm not sure I really care.  I will find this out on the other side of surgery.  It seems the infection is now also spread and I'm starting to go septic.  My fever is out of control, spiking into the 104 and 105 range, and I'm increasingly cold.  I am receiving all types of fluids and antibiotics, many of which I stopped trying to keep track.  I am looking forward to surgery and hopefully putting all of this behind us.

I have not been too concerned about the surgery, outside of the normal risks, until early this morning.  My father passed away two years ago and since his passing, I have not seen or felt him.  This morning, he was with me.  It was a calming presence, one that could not be seen, nor one that we shared any words, but I knew he was there in the chair with me.  I knew he was looking out over me at that point, and I knew that somehow, this was a little more serious than I originally thought.  We have always asked for him as a guardian angel and this morning, he may have shown his role.  Love ya Pop.